You Be RACIST!

There’s nothing like getting into a chat room with a bunch of liberal democrats on a huge guilt trip because they’re white!  I did that last night. Some guy put up a picture of Obama being hung from a tree and it was ON! Now before I launch into this little folly let me say from the onset that I did not think such a picture was appropriate. Maybe a picture of him in a cotton field with one of those long sacks training behind him, but death stuff. . . nah! Anyway, here’s all these crackers in there jumping up and down, each one trying to be more politically correct than the other, and then there’s ME. And I’m drunk! Womp, dey it is! I had just acquired a bottle of Bombay Gin and the olives were a swimming. 

Now, I don’t take all this racism stuff seriously, ok? You get into any discussion with a liberal democrat, and I don’t care what it is, you will always see that rusty old race card come out of the deck.  I don’t care what you’re talking about. “I think there may be water on Mars that might support some sort of primitive life.” “You’re just saying that because Obama’s black.” First off he’s NOT black, he’s tutti fruity. His mother was white. Now his daddy was as black as a cup of Folgers. Obama, on the other hand is with cream. That’s what’s so funny about the lib-tards. They go on and on about Obama being the first black president and they didn’t even get a real black guy. Now Samuel L. Jackson, THAT’S a black guy. “It’s the wallet that says, ‘bad mother. . . “ well, you know. 

There are some pluses about the president. His daughters for instance. They’re cute. Clinton’s kid. . . now THAT was an ugly kid. She was so ugly she was funny. When she grew up she got better, but when she was fourteen, NO DATES. Imagine being a boy trying to take her to the prom and she’s covered up with Secret Service AND she’s ugly! I used to think, well, maybe she’ll grow up and be an intelligent young lady. Nope! Look who raised her. Obama’s kids are nice looking kids, and they have HIM figured out.  You can SEE it. Just watch when they appear with him. Rolling their eyes, looking at the time, and just WISHING they could just go back home away from all the cameras. I don’t know WHERE they got their looks from. I’ve SEEN the first lady. Bet she don’t feed HER kids that school lunch she supports. That’s another thing. Obama’s old lady runs all over the country touting this school lunch thing and every time Obama gets away from her where does he go? STRAIGHT to McDonald’s! That’s why he’s so skinny. Michelle’s been feeding him all these years. Did you see him making for the door after the state of the union thing. I could see it in his eyes. “I’m lovin’ it!” Michelle’s nowhere in sight and he KNOW’S it! Bet he smoked a Marlboro in the limo too. Didn’t see his kids though. They were back in the White House chowing down. 

Anyway, I digress. Here’s these liberals jumping all over each other, each one trying to out guilty the other and I chime in. The more martinis I drank, the funnier it got, and they leave themselves open like the gate at the Kentucky Derby. They have NO frontal lobe so all my quips were lost to them, and, of course I’m a racist. If you disagree with ANYTHING Obama says, you’re a racist. If you make a joke, you’re a racist. If you play the Rolling Stone’s “Paint it Black” you’re a racist! What does one do when encountering a situation like this? Well, I roll in it. I know they’re a bunch of fools, and I know I’ll never change their mindset, so I pump ‘em up. And don’t EVEN try to center on the issues because they’re not interested in that. I try to mention the Keystone pipeline and they tell me I’m just talking about that because Obama’s black. No, actually the oil is black and that has nothing to do with Obama’s complexion. 

Liberals simply don’t get it that when you bend over backward and kiss your own butt you just look more racist. Black people don’t want their color or defense thereof to dominate a conversation. I DO understand that. Black folk be like, “You been talking about skin color for forty-five minutes so in spite of anything I’ve said THAT’S the one thing on your mind. . . CRACKER!” And stupid stuff on the news. OMG! A crew can go out and film fifty people talking about how times are hard and tracing it all right back to Obama’s policies and they will show the ONE lame brain welfare mama who thinks Martin Luther King freed the slaves! Let me clue you in, there are stupid people in the world and half of them are stupider that THAT! And they’ll find some chick with a muffin top in shorts going up her butt. Don’t forget the accent. Oh, they got that down, and when the camera goes on the slang gets WORSE! Black folk watching her talk are thinking, “Just shut UP!” 

In today’s society you can’t even MENTION stuff like I’ve been talking about in this article. You KNOW muffin top looks silly. I know she looks silly. Children raised by WOLVES know she looks silly. The WOLVES know it, but don’t say it. . . you be RACIST! The good news is most people are past all this. I have actually been to parties, with some black people in attendance and nobody talked about how much they love watermelon. Matter of fact I have actually held a conversation with a black man about the merits of different martinis. He preferred the Roosevelt and I lean toward a Churchill. Now there WAS a guy in the corner with his hat on backwards  downing Four Locos, but we just ignored him. And while we’re on the subject of attire where did the pants thing come from? What kind of social statement is THAT. You tool around with your BVDs showing and if someone says, “DAYUM!” they’re racist? At the circus when the Volkswagen pulls up and the clowns pile out you’re SUPPOSED to laugh! The Apostle Claver does justice to a suit. I could NEVER look that good, I don’t care how much money I spent. That man can dress! 

I don’t like Rap because they talk too fast. I wear my hat straight because it keeps the Texas sun out of my eyes. I wear my pants high because exposing my butt to men in Austin makes me nervous. You really gotta watch your butt in Austin, let me tell you. People will always be different. If we all sang one note there would be no harmony. There are black people in the world. There are gay people in the world. There are ugly little girls in the world. Enjoy them. Laugh at jokes, not because you’re a racist but because sometimes the human condition is funny! Richard Pryor was funny. Chris Rock is funny. Ron White is funny. All these men capitalized on the human experience. Richard was the ultimate HomeBoy, and Ron is the biggest cracker on the planet! And what do they do? They make us laugh at ourselves. Oh, my bad. . . we must be RACIST!