Let me begin by reminding you that I'm an old bastard. What makes it worse is that I'm an old Texas bastard, and that ranks high in the field of bastardism. Now the reason I'm telling you this is because as I was scanning the news for ideas this morning, a whole slew of gun stories popped up. I always check out ABC news because they are so liberal I have no problem finding humor there, and that way, when I write, I don't have to think much, which is good for seven AM.
They soak their stories with gun stuff. Never where some teenage boy saves his little sister from rape by using his father's gun, oh no, that would not support mothers against everything but unprotected sex with a donkey. Always something way out in left field (you notice how I threw in that word "left" there. That's subliminal, but I'm from Austin, and I'm not supposed to know them things). Anyway, always out in left field, and if the story isn't, then by golly they'll put it there. Two cases in point.
Some gun instructor gives a nine year old girl an Uzi at a range out in Arizona, and stands behind her teaching the little future homemaker the proper way to operate a machine gun. Ok, this is the old Texas bastard part. While while all the gays, liberals, democrats, and social workers are recoiling in abject horror, I'm already laughing my Texas butt off! Now, I'm pro second amendment, ok, but why in God's creation would you feel it necessary to teach Shirley Temple how to use an Uzi? C J Grisham, put you hand down! For the unenlightened, guns have a "kick." You've all seen Dirty Harry fire off that Smith and Wesson, and it flies up in the air, well that's "kick." The pistol he supposedly fired really doesn't jump that bad, especially since Clint was using blanks, with the audio added later in the studio, but it looks good on film. Anyway, I digress. Little girl with an Uzi. I'm sorry folks, I'm still laughing. So, he locks and loads this thing, points sweet cheeks down range, stands behind her and she let's it fly. When ol' Clint shot that forty-four it went BOOM and the gun rose up as he drew the hammer back for his next shot. When the little girl pulled the trigger on the Uzi It went BOOM ity BOOM ity BOOM BOOM BOOM! Each round sent the gun higher, and higher, up and over, until it was over her head, pointing up, right where the instructor was standing, observing his pupil, and in short order he was walking the streets of glory, and all the angels were laughing THEIR butts off!
Now this is funny folks, I don't care who you are. The gun rights folks have leaned so far to the right that I think their brain shifted, not as far as that instructor's brain shifted, but pretty far. We should teach our kids about guns, just like we should teach them about tool safety, food safety and safe sex, but there is a vast gulf between teaching a little boy how to operate a saw and giving him the keys to a Mac dump truck! On the other side of the spectrum, i.e. mothers against whatEVER, they need to understand that the world is a dangerous place and kids need to know that, and guns have a place in that dangerous world. I listened to some 911 calls yesterday and MOST of them were the caller pleading with the operator while he or she hid in the closet waiting for the intruder to find them. Wonder what their take was on gun control in those final moments? Let's move the barometer back a few bars. No Uzis for Shirley Temple!
Next case. Some guy in California took to shooting people in cars. Killed one, shot up a bunch or others and killed two DOGS! The police "suspect" he may have been a serial killer. Being California, they really got pissed off over the dogs, giving them equal billing with the GUY who got killed. California has gun control out the ying-yang. California has POCKET KNIFE control! So how in the world did some nut go parading around popping shots from the exit ramp? The rule is so simple. When you try to control everything, in the end you control nothing. Look at most, if not all the mass shooters over the last few years. They have many things in common. First off, most were a HELL of a shot. From Charles Whitman to that clown looking guy in Colorado, these folks can shoot. Also, most of the time the guns used were acquired legally. Even Lee Harvey Oswald got his gun legally, and oh, by the way, he was a hell of a shot, too. You can legislate guns until the cows come home and the guns don't care. You have to legislate the nut BEHIND the gun if you want to control guns. You can lay a gun on a table and scream orders at it until you are blue in the face, and I'll assure you that gun will pay you no mind. But if you fix, or neutralize the sick individual you'll save that poor gun's reputation. I hear it all the time. "Well, so and so DID have this disorder, and he WAS given enough medication to tranquilize a horse, but we didn't deem him to be dangerous." Save the mentally ill...SHOOT the psychiatrist!
Guns are tools. No more, no less. There will always be mishaps, killings and yes, a few stories where one gun that saved lives. Do you think it would be wise to disarm the police? Then, when they see a serious crime being committed what can they do? Shout, "STOP! Or I'll say, 'Stop' again!" In conclusion, what do you get when you cross a Mother against guns with an open carry advocate? A little girl in Arizona with an Uzi!
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