I was checking out the headlines this morning, making sure we had enough Ebola in the country, and lo and behold there was my little buddy, Jodi Arias back in the news! Me and Jodi go way back. I did a series of articles about her last year that I called, “Jodi and the Double Dayum Defense,” where I expounded my theory that she just might spit some of that hook in her pretty little mouth. My logic was this: After watching Miss Arias, and her very fetching lawyerette set themselves down in the court room, I noticed that Jodi took particular care in positioning herself, and having been in a nasty old jail cell all night, she gave a big, healthy stretch to loosen up her back, and get ready for a long day. Now, being a Simple Ol’ Boy From Austin, I couldn’t help but notice that there were two very good reasons why Travis let her in that fateful night. Then I began to reason that if there were but one man on that jury this young lady would not see death row, and I wrote about that theory. Naturally there were a whole bunch of people who called me a redneck, a pervert, a fool, and some things I can’t put here, but the proof is in the pudding, or sweater may it be, and over a year later the State of Arizona is still trying to kill Jodi Arias!
Now the prosecution is trying to retry the whole sordid mess again from start to finish. Meanwhile, Jodi is writing advice columns, selling art, and eating ham sandwiches courtesy of the sovereign State of Arizona. Fact of the matter is I have figured out Jodi Arias. Now, before I launch into this I need to give all the Yankees, liberals, and girly-men out there a disclaimer: I’m a Texan. I think Kinky Friedman’s “Ballad of Charles Whitman is funny.” I will dance too close to the flame with a hot dog on a stick. I, however, will try to sanitize this because I know there’s a lot of preachers out there in Doc’s corner who read my stuff and I don’t want to offend too much.
I have this friend. I’ve mentioned her here several times. She goes by the street name, “Frenchi.” Now that’s not her real name. She showed up at a party about two years ago and hung around a while. Frenchi is drop dead gorgeous! She has long brown hair, a perfect “Elli Mae Clampett figure, and can bust a watermelon at fifty yards with a 9mm pistol. My kind of girl! Now, I don’t want to delve into Frenchi’s legal issues, suffice to say she did a bit more than shoot at watermelons in her young life, and has seen the county jail. The French one is just a little bit, how would you say, sociopathic. Yeah, that’s the word. Now, I’ve been involved with this girl, off and on, and if you will note, I am writing this article and ol’ Travis is pushing up home grown tomatoes.
Now, you must ask yourself. If an articulate, good looking, successful Mormon got himself wasted, how does an old reptile bait like myself keep tooling along? I will guarantee you that Frenchi is crazier than Jodi, hands down! She’ll throw down several wine coolers and pet DOGS that aren’t there. . . I’ve seen her do it! So why does this pretty little Texan find her way to my door again and again, and we have a very warm friendship? “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Remember that one? You see, women are complex. Women have babies. Men, have you ever gone to the restroom and the result weighs nine pounds? A woman can work all day and cook and clean all night. A woman can birth a child and then spend a YEAR staying up all night looking after said child, and still look good for breakfast. And let us not forget they have that little monthly issue that would put any man in the emergency room. Women are tough! And they’re smarter than men. Frenchi speaks four languages, French (naturally), English, Arabic and Hebrew. She’s also a very fine artist. Jodi is an artist. They also ride an emotional roller coaster most of their lives. Men look for beauty in a woman, women look for security in a man. That and one other little factor. . . respect!
You see, that’s what Travis overlooked while he was pouring over his Book of Mormon. Jodi attached herself to Travis because he was successful, did seminars, and had a good life. Travis let her into his world but not all the way. To be perfectly honest, he used her. Swat them bees, swat them bees. For all his prayer meetings and outward appearances he used her for a good time, and when she became an embarrassment he cut her loose. He found another more “decent” girl to pal around with, leaving Jodi twisting in the wind. Now before you think I’m putting a little too much baby powder on her, let’s be perfectly clear here, ol’ Jodi was two bubbles short of plumb, ok? There WAS a screw loose. So let’s look at that final night.
Jodi had been stalking Travis for a while. She turned up at the most inopportune times, she hacked his email, she peered in through his window, she did it all. Life could be worse than having a beautiful woman fixated on you. She was jealous, prone to temper fits, and possessive. He pushed, kicked and forced her away at every chance, but Travis had a weakness, too. He opens his door that night and there she is, sweater and all! Does Travis tell her, “Getith away from me you harlot?” Why heck no! He invites her in. And I’m not going to get graphic here, but I understand she showed him a real good time.
He had been pushing her away for some time. After a night of frolic Jodi most likely had a reasonable expectation of the relationship firing back up. Well, Travis didn’t see it that way. Next morning he had some regrets. Trouble is, he TOLD Jodi those thoughts. I have never seen his death certificate, but it should read: “Cause of death, death by STUPID!” He even had a new camera and wanted pictures of himself in the shower. He informed Jodi that she would NOT be going on vacation with him, that position was reserved for Suzie SweetCheeks down at the Temple. I wasn’t there, but I just imagine Jodi told him, “That’s ok. Hey, meet you in the shower. I just need to run to the kitchen and pick something up.”
Back to Frenchi. FACT! If I did that to Frenchi I would now be as dead as fried chicken. I have no doubts. You don’t tell someone they are garbage and would they please take themselves to the curb. You make breakfast, praise them, tell them you have to go to work, part agreeably, and do NOT let them back in if your plan is to go to another girl. If they stalk you be a man! Keep your distance. But do NOT use a woman like a blow up doll and then just pull the plug.
Jodi should have shown a little more control, true. She is a cold blooded killer, yes. But Travis missed that level of passion within her. There are two sides to that coin. The one side he saw that final night. The other side came out the next morning. Remember that word, “respect?” Well, there you are. Jodi Arias was holding onto her sanity by a very thin thread. Travis broke that thread. Remember this, Jodi Arias did NOT break into the house that night. Travis LET her in. Should’ve just went to church, Trav!
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