That Would Be A Whore

     Ok, this is where I make everybody mad. Well, not everybody, just the gays, women's groups, psychiatrists, fathers, mothers, and social workers. Is there anyone I missed? I've been reading about the Bill Cosby thing. Not really reading, I guess, just glancing at the tabloids while I'm buying beer and cigarettes, so I can't say I'm really on point, but I've picked up a couple of things. First off I have deduced that at some point in his seventy odd years Bill got laid. See, there goes the women's action groups right there. Anyway, I digress. Some woman, somewhere decided to take her knickers off for a mega star. (This is my surprised face.) Now we have what, thirty, forty years ago? Did she just notice? 

     Here's where I take out psychiatrists. If some girl accused me of getting an unregistered moment back in 1972, I'd just say, "Yeah. I did that, and it was niiiiice!" if fact I HAVE done that, and it was nice! The rules of engagement have changed so radically that it's no wonder Viagra has record sales. I, myself, simply cannot have an interlude with a woman while writing a contract. "You can kiss me, but don't touch me there. Ooooops, didn't say 'Simon Says!" (You've been screwing Simon?) like I've said all along if you want to dig dirt on me better bring a dump truck! I've done it all, and if I missed something it's only because no one told me about it or I'd have done that too! 

     My sister once jumped on me for putting a move on a cousin. I asked if she was pretty, because I honestly didn't remember, and she told me she was, so I told her, "Yeah, I did that." Well, she stomped off mad, leaving me looking at my horrified niece.

     "Did you really do that, Uncle Billy."

     "Nah."

     "Then why did you tell my mom you did?"

     "Well, I asked if she was pretty. If yes, then yeah I did that. If she was ugly I never knew her!" 

     What difference does it make who Cosby rolled in the hay with in a country where men marry men, women marry woman and dogs marry cats? In a country where we have riots coast to coast because a hoodlum got capped? A country where a famous singer gets dry humped on stage and it's heralded as a new dance? Where did this glimmer of morality suddenly come from? 

    Cosby's life is ruined, and you wanna know why? Because he's stupid. He bought into political correctness which is not correct at all. I still like Bill Cosby. I've laughed at his jokes, marveled at his essays and admired his accomplishments no matter who got the morning after jitters thirty years after the fact. And for the woman who took hush money, well, I'm just a simple old boy from Austin, but that would be a whore. There! That should just about take care of the rest of the groups. I should be a counselor, I really should!