I Love My Life
I love my life! Now, if that’s not crazy I’m not a white boy from Austin! If the previous sixty-three years were needed to just live one more year as I’m living it now I’ll take the deal, and have no complaints. I’ve grown so much since coming back from California that I don’t even resemble the guy who got off that plane in Austin back in 2012. You can take life in one of two ways. You can trudge along, spouting hate and problems, blaming everyone for your situation, or you can just lace that boot up and wear it! You’d think with all the issues coming my way that I’d be the most negative, down, depressed person on the planet, but it isn’t so. I don’t believe in all that psychological nonsense. Life is what you make it. And I’m not one of those positive thinking idiots who think by repeating some mantra that the skies will forever be blue, the angels will sing, and rain will become beer. I get up each day and fully realize that my first breath is a gift from God. He didn’t give that gift to a lot of people this morning.
I had to accept some realities. One reality is I will never get along with California. That’s a biggie! I tried. No Texan should ever move to California. The two do not mix. It’s like trying to make a martini using vinegar instead of Vermouth. Oh, you can go there, just don’t say anything while you’re there, and be sure you have a return ticket. They’re nice folks out there, but they’re, well, different! I do like California girls, but you have to make sure they are girls. I’m always amazed that a state that is so open about sex and marriage is so messed up about guns. Go figure.
Another reality is family. I’m surrounded by five little peckerwoods that didn’t exist a decade ago, and they’ve all got personality. I have the joy of twisting their little minds into a complete Texas slant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all you Nortes, deal with it! All my kids can eat jalapeños! They love horses, dogs, cartoons, and think two guys holding hands is just plain weird! They also believe there is a God, and He is everywhere at once. Well, not in the bathroom, but everywhere else.
I’ve learned with family you never voice your opinion about anything. They will never agree with you. That thing about the Waltons, and that old guy in the upper room is a myth. And as the kids grow they will do stupid stuff. For real! You can put that in the bank. As long as they’re not robbing banks and shooting the tellers don’t sweat it. I love it when a grandkid does something stupid and then someone tells me, “I know that hurt you.” Naw not really. The only thing that irritates me is the “in your face” thing where a kid, or grandkid tries to blame their situation on their childhood. Here’s a dollar kid, go buy yourself a life!
And my personal choices, priceless! I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk! That way I don’t have to go to all them meetings and listen to a bunch of other drunks telling me how they’re not drunks. I’m not even a problem drinker. I can afford all the beer and martinis I want, no problem! I smoke, too. I’m sixty-three and have smoked my cigars and Pall Malls for five years now. If I make it another twenty years I’ll be eighty-three and when I croak it’ll be about time! I do watch what I eat. Perhaps that is one thing I brought back from California. I’ve found eating less makes me more active, I guess looking for food, I don’t know.
I’ve been married five or six times so I gave up on women a long time ago, and that freaks women out, which is almost as much entertainment at my age as trying to develop a “relationship.” I have a cat. Relationship enough, ok? I’m amused by old men chasing young girls. DUDE! What you gonna do when you catch one, and don’t lie to me! I know! You hook up with a young girl and you will see her on the back of a Harley leaving you. The cat will stay as long as you have scraps.
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