Adventures in Babysitting

Adventures in babysitting. My granddaughter, Puck had a diabetic issue this week. I touched on this in my article, “The Pink Dragon.” Well, in the sweet by and by I ended up at her bedside at Baylor Scott and White Children’s Hospital down in beautiful Temple, Texas. Now I love my granddaughter, please understand, but have you ever seen the movie “Uncle Buck?” Make a note of that, there’ll be a quiz later.

The second day Puck was there the CPS showed up,. So, my ex calls and I find myself locked in with Puck watching endless episodes of “Adventures In Babysitting” on the Disney Channel. Puck thought it was fantastic. Have you ever noticed the little girl who’s hair looks like Minnie Mouse? Other than that all Disney girls look alike.

Ever try to get a smoke in a children’s hospital? I know, I know, I should quit, but my people traditionally live to their nineties. When my ninety sum odd year old uncle died his older sister told me drinking and smoking finally killed him! So I had to endure the stares of the nurses as I negotiated the maze required to smoke. Did I tell you I like cocktails at night? Uh, I haven’t found the lounge here yet. I’m also eating hospital food. My body is in full withdrawal!

On most nights I fall asleep in my Lazy Boy around two after lubricating my liver. Here they turn the lights down around nine. More “Adventures In Babysitting! Now, that’s not a series, which would be mundane enough, that’s a movie Puck likes . . . A LOT! Little girls are easily bored, especially little girls who live in Austin, Salt Lake, LA, etc. Get locked in with that. And doctors and nurses. It’s like being with a bunch of Temple Mormons. The only good thing is within a generation or two they’ll all be gone because since they’re scared of everything else they’re probably scared of unprotected sex and the birth rate will not sustain their race.

They are all liberal democrats. Children’s hospital, planned parenthood; connect the dots. There was one real cute Baylor co-ed, but she got all upset when Trump threw all the Trannies out of the military so I don’t know about her. She always wore a smock so I couldn’t tell, if you know what I mean. I guess you’d have to grab her. . . well, you know.

One day became two, became three, and Puck and I bonded. She got me so much coffee I could feel my hair growing. Every night I could see a flashing sign downtown reading, “LITE, LITE, LITE!” Beside it was one reminding me that Jesus saves. The food? Forget about it. I could see a Whataburger in the distance too. I was in hell.

Then , the day of freedom came. Lots of forms, doctor talk, doctor talk, doctor talk and we were out! Puck looked like she just made parole, and I’d memorized that babysitting show. Oh, I’d become infatuated by one of the Disney chicks, but all the cops and CPS I saw in the lobby dispelled that. Got home, my dog peed on my leg and bit me. Nice to have my priorities back in line.