Type It Up In Braille and Stick It Up Your Ass

                         Type It Up In Braille and Stick It Up Your Ass

     When you see anything in the mainstream media you must make yourself fully aware of why it's there. Time was when journalists followed stories, ever searching for the "scoop" that would make their career and rocket them to shining glory where their every word would be devoured by an adoring public, truth, and a duty to,the public were the benchmarks. The press was the ever vigilant watchdog, protecting us from the wiles of power politics, and ever greedy corporations whose only rule was the bottom dollar which invariably was, in reality, top dollar. Even Will Rodgers' jokes had a core of bitter truth in them that he would sweeten with humor and would make you think, reconsider, and understand what was really going on behind the scenes. Back in the day you went to the Blue Bonnet Cafe down on avenue D and Billy Joe would form a patty from ground beef (without rubber gloves) and fry up the best hamburger you ever put in your mouth. Now you go to McDonalds and pray to God you're not eating kangaroo meat! 

     Among a host of other things that have gone out of fashion, we have lost integrity in the field of journalism. I watch it all from CNN to Fox and I don't think any of those people would know the truth if it ran up and pissed on their leg. CNN type casts Obama as the savior of the country and Fox News tells us he's the guy who handed little Reagan the cross! The truth is somewhere in between from Obama faithful to those who wouldn't follow him into a whorehouse. But for the mainstream media whatever sells more toothpaste to the particular market being plied at the time. And whatever crazy scheme bubbles up you can bet the media soothsayers will polish up their crystal balls and go into high gear. 

     Now I'm going to get into trouble here, but that's ok, I've been there before, and the reason I call myself a simple ol' boy from Austin is because I'm stupid, so you can't say I didn't warn you. Let's begin with gay marriage. It is common knowledge (and common sense) that boys marry girls, have a honeymoon and make babies. That's a no brainer. And, before we had this army of sexual predators  prowling the streets sweet 16 was a young lady's coming out at the dawn of womanhood. Every Texas town had "town fairy." He wore capes, quoted Oscar Wilde and while everyone knew the score nobody really cared and life moved on. No one was paranoid about his preference rubbing off on any kids because without the intervention of highly paid social psychologists everyone knew you either were, or you weren't. Then came the militant gays. It was one thing to have uncle Robert sitting at the coffee shop discussing tomato gardens but quite another to have a bunch of guys parading in the streets looking like Freddie Mercury. Then leap to gay marriage. Now, I don't know how things work in California, but brothers and sisters let me tell you...Texans are crazy! Hell, I'M crazy! You tell Texans  two men want to get married and  THEY will hit the streets, all with AR-15's strapped to their backs heading for Starbucks.  And what comes next? CNN! Some blonde reporter with big boobs puking up a script to make Texans look crazier than we really are. This is followed by Hannity bobbing his head up and down defending the right of shooting gays down if they look at a little boy. Somewhere in the middle is the truth with goes right back to the beginning and fact of the matter is most Texans don't care. We know if you look at sweet 16 but are attracted to the star quarterback you are who you ARE and nothing's going to change it. But someone just has to coin the phrase, "gay marriage," and BOY, did THAT sell some toothpaste! Poor uncle Robert can't have cheese cake at the coffee shop any more, when absolutely none of this changed the price of oats down at the feed store one penny!

     Now, let's move to another subject. Immigration. Boy I can hear the asses snapping shut from way down here. Let's have a show of hands; how many of you Yankees out there know what a wetback is? Well, let me tell ya. Back in the day when Pablo wanted to pick oranges in Brownsville he had to wade across the Rio Grande (which means "big river and is an oxymoron) and crawl up on the opposite shore. He'd go to work for some rancher, make nickels a day and nobody really cared. Kinda like the gays. Then came the Yankees again and people like the girl with the big boobs came up with the term, "undocumented immigrant!" Then here come Fox (tweet, tweet, here boy, here boy,) and you get tortilla soup. One side wants to electrify the fence down on the border and the other wants to provide free condos in downtown Austin. Pablo just wants to dry off and pick oranges. Then here come the kids. Everyone is appalled. Ok, let me tell you people teenage girls have been slipping across the border for years and if you can't figure that out you need to join uncle Robert for cheesecake, know what I'm talking about? Common sense! A wetback is a wetback is a wetback. Swat them bees...swat them bees! And the conservative sector is screaming that these people are dirty, diseased, criminal and illiterate. HELLLLLOOOOOO! We got Ebola in the US now and Pablo didn't bring it here. The worse thing you could catch from a Mexican when I made my obligatory high school trip to Nuevo Laredo was the clap! And she was worth it! Now mix in a few politicians. Libertarians cannot define the word, "border," don't tell me I'm wrong, I was at the convention and I SAW it! Democrats just see votes. Republicans don't see anything unless they can see is dollar signs and Pablo don't pay no taxes. Bottom line; When you have a third world country bordering on a world leader with a fence between the two SOMEBODY is gonna jump that fence. You don't throw up you hands and start bussing them to Murrietta, California, and you CERTAINLY don't stop at least TRYING to pitch their asses BACK over the fence. And if you will note I have become somewhat politically correct as I did not say, "Little brown asses." Tooth paste is now on sale!

     Now let's take on the war on drugs. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news children, but the drugs won. We declared a war on whiskey back in the '20's, and whiskey won that one too.  Good news is we finally repealed that mess, bad news is we have the best organized Mafia in the world. Now, work with me here; you got millions of pot smokers in the US, and you got thousands of acres of marijuana growing in Mexico with a fence between the two. Pablo just got a promotion. And, oh yeah, let's sell em some guns so they can shoot at us. Swat them bees, swat them bees! You wonder how the cartels got so big? THEY aren't snorting the coke...WE are! If they were selling fertilizer sandwiches do you think anyone would be buying them. Oh, my bad. McDonalds IS selling that but no matter, you know what I'm saying. Legalize drugs! Bring it all out in the light. If a disproportionate segment of your society turns into dope heads fix your SOCIETY! Did anyone notice the toothpaste is selling like they're going to quit making it tomorrow? At least CNN and Fox have one thing in common on this cause they're ALL a bunch of stoners. 

     Abortion. Oh God, don't get me started. First, let me say I am opposed to jerking a baby out from between a woman's legs and throwing it in a trash can. And I can hear it all now. The two big arguments.  It's a woman's body and she has a right. Yeah, right up until she puts that body under another body and a third body becomes involved. Then here comes the other debate...what about RAPE? Ok liberals check this out. Would you want to abort a baby sired by Arnold Swatzenegger with the same enthusiasm as the one fathered by a black construction worker who got drunk and stepped over the line? Now who's the racist? There have always been abortions, and yes if you're going to have them it should be done in hospital by doctors. The problem is the planned parenthood is not planning squat except to arrange as many abortions as possible. They get MAD if they miss one, or some young girl just can't seem to bring herself to kill a child. And don't tell me it's not a child, it's kicking HER belly button, you fool! Solution? NO advertising. NO "counciling." This is a personal choice between a woman and her conscience. Don't dehumanize the baby because when you do that it's one small step to dehumanizing a terminally I'll cancer patient. Life is life and death is death and toothpaste is toothpaste!

     One last thing. Gun control. Yeah, here it come. You can't control guns any more than you can control Pablo, uncle Robert, drugs, or sweet 16 under the football stadium after three beers. You want to know how influential you are, just try ordering someone else's dog around. Bad people,have guns. Good people need guns to shoot bad people. Swat them bees, swat them bees! I'm not even going to expound about self defense because liberal Yankee logic is just plain stupid! People have a right to live. Babies have a right to live. UNCLE ROBERT has a right to live. Here comes the media and toothpaste is now two for the price of one! Do I have to type this up in Braille and stick it up your ass? Get it right. 

     I am a Libertarian and your choices are your choices. I'll never force you to do something you don't want to so you don't have to swat them bees if you don't want too. But them bees are still a swarming ...aren't they?