Jumped off into a twelve pack last night, and started surfing YouTube. Always an interesting evening. Watching YouTube you almost certainly have no private life! Anyway, I watched a few plane crashes, the latest ISIS beheadings, and Mark Cunningham hypnotizing Ivy again. (Don’t look that up!) Then I came upon the Flat Earth Society! OMLG! Oh, little note here. I use OMLG, meaning, “Oh, My LIVING God.” As you may or may not know, I’m just an old “reptile bait,” but on the slight chance that Saint Peter is asleep when I arrive, I don’t wantthat on the books. Anyway, where was I, oh yes, the Flat Earth Society.
This shows just how far a conspiracy theory can go. Ten beers down, and it still didn’t make any sense, but I kept on watching. Hey, I give everybody a chance. Now, I’m not saying these people are stupid, but they are somewhere along the level of the chick I met once that believed me when I told her the Vermouth in a Martini neutralized the Gin, and the more she drank, the more clear headed and intelligent she’d get. She ended the night babbling like Einstein, and wearing my T-shirt. (I’m sorry I did that Lord, I promise I won’t do that anymore.) Well, these people are her cousins.
One video purported that if you fly up in a hot air balloon you can easily see that the moon will not move, but in fact will appear the same in Australia as it does in New York. I crappith Thee NOT! You can’t make this stuff up folks. Then an aeronautical engineer went through great lengths explaining that you could prove the theory by booking flights from Africa to Brazil, and observing that you had to first fly to Europe because the curvature of the earth is a myth which can easily be shown by the Mercator projection. (Open another beer.) Now I know where all those plane crashes I was watching came from.
And they look so sane! People! These are the guys in the Laughing Academy who eat the checkers. How did they get so stupid without meth? And all their dots connect. Every single one. I went and bought another twelve pack. Marching on (for four hours) I absorbed everything I could concerning this “theory.” What was it Hitler said? Oh, yes. If you make a lie big enough, and tell it often, Fox News will pick it up, or words to that effect. Well, I started looking at the people making these videos, searching for a girl. No Discovery Channel hotties here. Anyone who took the time to make a video expounding a flat world has too much time on their hands, and absolutely nothing to donate to the gene pool.
Since I was outside, on my porch, I looked up at the moon. How did they miss that? Under their idea, I suppose they would claim the moon is tilted in such a way so as to expose its total surface to earth, because it, too, has to be flat. Then, I saw the reinforcement claiming that when Antarctica was first explored, they came upon this huge wall constructed to keep us from walking off the edge. Pop a top, my friend. I think I’ll have another round.
I will say that this eased the events of this week. I’ll also say that these people are bat-crap crazy. What some folks burn in their crazy minds. Consider this when you hear of “magic” bullets, falling towers, and anything Megyn Kelley has to ask Trump.
Simple Ol' Boy From Austin
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