My Business Plan

Gave a lot of thought this weekend in developing a business plan. Some way to gain a little coin without being encumbered by rules, and regulations such as would inhibit the profitability of such a venture. I studied many models, and theories, even watched one of them info-mercials where some guy in a pool out in Arizona somewhere told me that if I just cashed in my 401K and send it to him that I could get a cruise to Mexico. I gave that some thought, but I’ve been to Mexico and decided against it.

Anyway, I finally developed a model that seemed to fill the bill. I’m going down to Walmart today, and I’m going to buy me one of those state of the art printers. You know, one of them super high tech, WiFi gadgets that will print from my iPhone, TV, just about anywhere I want. Then I’m going to Staples and buy me the best paper I can find. You know, the cotton stuff. I am bringing all this back home and put my plan in action.

I’m going to start by printing me up a couple billion dollars. I will sell these dollars to local businesses who need spot cash, and of course charge for the service, toner costs money you know. Now for regular customers I’ll charge accordingly, but like, crack dealers, folks like that, we’ll cut a special deal, and of course I won’t spread the word on all these deals, we’ll just keep it between us. I’ll need a new car, so I’ll just print up some cash for myself and run down there and buy it on credit. See how that works? I got the cash, but I won’t spend it, I’ll just show it to them, and then default on the loan. If they get all uppity about it, I’ll just show them more cash, spread the wealth a little, and keep the car. This will create a debt that will bankrupt the car lot, but no matter. Another customer!

If the police get involved then I’ll just tell them that they have no authority over me, and that’s because I’ll be printing money for the whole city council, and they’ll be so far in debt to me that the police will just have to take a number and go home. Oh, if they need, like, bullets or such, then I’ll be happy to help them out, and that’ll work right in because when the people I don’t hold up get all concerned, and start to have what you call citizen’s action groups, I’ll just sic the cops on them, and they’ll go right away.

Had to come up with a name for this conglomeration. Something catchy, official sounding, and elusive. I couldn’t come across like the out and out criminal that I am, I mean selling folks paper that’s absolutely worthless. After much consideration I came up with a name. I’ll just call it The Federal Reserve. Yeah . . . that ought to work.  How do ya’ll like my business plan?