Doctor Visit
Twice a year, if I'm sick or not, I have to get a check up. And, this is all well and good. Medical science has progressed, I guess. Usually the waiting room is full, today it was only me, which means that everybody got well, or shit ain't working out for the majority. The wait was the same.
I hate it when they take my blood pressure. First off I'd like to let you know, doctors, nurses, even VETS scare the piss out of me. My pressure could be perfect, and the minute I'm in a clinic, BAM! There is no doctor now. We have a nurse who runs the show. A young nurse in a short skirt, hormones, who runs the show . That didn't do me any good either. One part of me was scared to death and the other part...well, you know.
So she takes my blood pressure, bending over to check my pulse, and I entertained her with a 190/90.
"Uh, you're 190/90."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Machine says 190/90."
"Machine's wrong. Should say 140/70."
Hard look from the nurse lady.
Then she pawed all over my back with a stethoscope, which made me glad the blood pressure thing was over. The first time I went to this clinic the doctor came in and announced to me that I had COPD before she even asked my name. Month later my lab came in and she reversed that. I wanted to let her know that I have performed oral sex on my 19 year old girlfriend for over an hour and didn't lose my breath. (She lost hers.)
One reason I don't like to go to a doctor is once you're over 50 they always want to stick their finger up your ass. I know it's all preventive medicine, and all that crap, but I've just got this thing about some guy's finger up my ass. Made the doctor promise we wouldn't go there but lo and behold, he wanted to stick his finger up my ass! We negotiated. Now, if the nurse with the short skirt had wanted to stick her finger up my ass it might have been a different story.
"Well, it seems your prostate is fine."
"Yes, and you've cured my ED, too!"
The key to good health is happiness. The best health condition you can have is Don't give a shit itus. The way I see it, if I make it another ten years I'll be 73, and if I croak, by then everybody will say, "Well, it's about time!"
Twice a year, if I'm sick or not, I have to get a check up. And, this is all well and good. Medical science has progressed, I guess. Usually the waiting room is full, today it was only me, which means that everybody got well, or shit ain't working out for the majority. The wait was the same.
I hate it when they take my blood pressure. First off I'd like to let you know, doctors, nurses, even VETS scare the piss out of me. My pressure could be perfect, and the minute I'm in a clinic, BAM! There is no doctor now. We have a nurse who runs the show. A young nurse in a short skirt, hormones, who runs the show . That didn't do me any good either. One part of me was scared to death and the other part...well, you know.
So she takes my blood pressure, bending over to check my pulse, and I entertained her with a 190/90.
"Uh, you're 190/90."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Machine says 190/90."
"Machine's wrong. Should say 140/70."
Hard look from the nurse lady.
Then she pawed all over my back with a stethoscope, which made me glad the blood pressure thing was over. The first time I went to this clinic the doctor came in and announced to me that I had COPD before she even asked my name. Month later my lab came in and she reversed that. I wanted to let her know that I have performed oral sex on my 19 year old girlfriend for over an hour and didn't lose my breath. (She lost hers.)
One reason I don't like to go to a doctor is once you're over 50 they always want to stick their finger up your ass. I know it's all preventive medicine, and all that crap, but I've just got this thing about some guy's finger up my ass. Made the doctor promise we wouldn't go there but lo and behold, he wanted to stick his finger up my ass! We negotiated. Now, if the nurse with the short skirt had wanted to stick her finger up my ass it might have been a different story.
"Well, it seems your prostate is fine."
"Yes, and you've cured my ED, too!"
The key to good health is happiness. The best health condition you can have is Don't give a shit itus. The way I see it, if I make it another ten years I'll be 73, and if I croak, by then everybody will say, "Well, it's about time!"
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