I came upon the most interesting theory last night. There's this guy I follow on YouTube, and he expounds on many different subjects. Last night he took on the ISIS scare. And scare is what he called it. You see, he maintains that each year, starting in 2002, the mainstream media, and the alternative for that matter, go into this feeding frenzy which starts about six weeks before 9/11 and continues on through, finally tapering off a week or so after the anniversary of the loss of the twin towers.
The funny thing is I've NOTICED this! I mean we've always got crazy Arabs in the world, but right about that time they seem to get CRAZIER! Every day there are stories about this threat or that threat, and now that Al Quieda has basically bit the dust, or at least lost its glamour with the loss of Osama bin Forgotten, a new, improved terrorist group has emerged. ISIS! Sounds almost ancient Egyptian, doesn't it? "I pray to the god ISIS for the end of the drought." Well, let me educate you. They are the same ol' towel heads we've all seen before with new towels.
So now it's ISIS this and ISIS that. ISIS is preparing to invade the United States by storming across the Laredo bridge. Run for your lives! Now, never mind these idiots couldn't find their way to downtown Houston if they had a bus token glued to their forehead, ok? And, of course, we have the videos of people getting their heads cut off...or do we? I haven't seen one, have you? No, now think. Have you actually seen a head come off a body in any Internet postings? Bet you haven't. When Berg got his head cut off he screamed, squirted blood, and in the end they had to twist it off, and they used a big knife from the back! "Oh," you say, "We saw pictures of the body." Well, I've seen pictures of a little girl levitating above a bed and puking green pea soup, but I didn't buy that crap crap either! Little historical note here, Sadaam, as a government assist, took the crew of the "Exorcist" out to UR to,film those scenes, you know, like the two dogs fighting, and all,he asked for was how to make Hollywood blood. Jus sayin'.
I'm not saying ISIS won't cut a head, I'm just saying if they wanted the full effect a complete video would have been nice. But, the media is mapping ISIS's progress across the Middle East like it's WWII! All the Arab states are wringing their hands, people are holed up on mountain tops (Nice touch; Masada) and children are being thrown onto helicopters. ISIS kids are waving AK-47's vowing to kill Americans. THERE'S THE LITTLE GIRL!
What to do? Well, there are two approaches. One, we send in the troops. War oughta last, um, three days. Two problems there, though. One, and I don't want to get to RACIAL here, but them fellers all look alike. And two, since they DO all look alike, once you kick their butts, you gotta STAY! Make the world save for freedom, and all that kinda stuff. Maybe get a Marine to rap on the hood of a truck for the kiddos, or something like that.
The next solution is simple. Now y'all pay attention cause this is gonna be revolutionary, ok? You just LEAVE! Wow! Don't you just hear them angels a singing? That's right, leave. Logistical fact: These idiots don't make anything but little idiots. They BUY their munitions. Everybody sweats over nukes in Iran. These people haven't invented anything since the TENT, and I strongly suspect they stole that idea. Just leave and let the Arabs slug it out. Now this is not as cruel as it sounds. First off the Arabs DO know how to slug it out. They're reading the same book ISIS is reading and they DO know how to cut a head off. "But Wilbur, these little brown bastards are trying to invade Texas!" News flash! We've got our OWN little brown bastards, and they ARE invading Texas. And Eric Holder can't sell them guns fast enough. Why don't we worry about that first, and worry about a bunch of clowns tackling the Atlantic in a bass boat next, huh?
You will see the ISIS crisis (hey, that's catchy) abate right after 9/11. I hope Obama isn't stupid enough to get us involved in another civil war that's been going on for FOUR THOUSAND FREAKING YEARS! Don't let this buzzfeed disturb one hot dog this weekend. Just know it for what it is. A buzzfeed. Gosh, my solution is so simple. I should be president, I really should. Make ol' Frenchi the first lady. Yeah, that'll work. No joint left behind. God bless America!
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