Governor Perry went to Japan this week, and he gave a speech which began with, "Texas is not a nation." What is a nation? The definition has been refined until nations look like the serving line at McDonalds. With well defined borders, except when it comes to Texas, they seem to have overlooked that one, an official language, oops, and people that pretty much look alike, struck out on that one too. Ok, let's start over. A nation is a bunch of people who think they're running the show. There!
Texas has always run its own show. That's what makes us stand out. The very fact that Perry, a lame duck governor, was even IN Japan at all to speak is proof that the world sees the United States, and then they see Texas, and never the two will mix. Our flag is recognized all over the world and the reputation of Texans is famous. Even Billy the Kid surrendered like a school girl when Pat Garrett called out to him saying he had one hundred and fifty TEXANS with him. The battle of the Alamo showed Texan resolve, and the inability to count to five thousand. There was some idiot on Doc Greene's morning show yesterday going on about the "union" and preserving it, and we're all Americans. Well, I'm not an American, I'm a Texan and want very little to do with anything dreamed up by a bunch of Yankees. Now, some,of those Yankees were good. They weren't born in Texas, but they got here as fast as they could.
Texas always has been, and always will be independent. All the other states are just states. A bunch of one hit wonders. Take Idaho for instance. Their license plates had the term, "Famous Potatoes," on it. We have, "Remember the Alamo!" What have they got? "Remember the potatoes?" And California! Oh, don't get me started. Now Cali is diverse, I'll give you that, but it's just plain weird out there. You know it's true. Think of the last five really weird things you read in the news and take a look at where MOST of it came from. And now it's fashionable to use the term, "California Republic!" Where did THAT come from. You are a republic when you kick another country's butt and parade its president under an oak tree like a ...well, I won't say that bad word. Let's just say, "Female Dog," ok? Anyway, we DID that!
I've used the term Republic of Texas de facto before. What that means, simply put is if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, then it MUST be a duck. Texas has always marched to the beat of its own drummer. We now send so much money to the US it's beginning to look like foreign aid to a banana republic. QUACK!
So, I came up with a solution to all of these problems. First, we move the Capitol of the United States to Austin. Our building is taller than theirs anyway, and it's not surrounded by a slum. Then we change the national anthem to "The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You." It's a better song and has a pertinent message. You have keep an eye on them Yankees all the time. We also need to pull all the troops out of the Middle East and bring them home. We're going to need them...to invade Mexico. I'm so sick and tired of seeing hordes of people flowing north across the border. Time we reversed that, and see how they like it. It'll be easy. Ain't nobody down there but the help.
I guess if he's still in office we'll probably have to bring Obama down here, but we won't let him run the government. We can put him in charge of Thundercloud Subs IF he doesn't try to turn it into a rib joint. Make Eric Holder a border patrol guard. Give him a good look at all those guns he ran to the cartels. Now Hillary's not in office right now but idle hands are the Devil's tools so we can just fire the Chicken Ranch back up and put her in charge of that. She can bring Bill along too.
And Governor Perry. He looks good. Can't remember his lines too well, but we got TelePrompTers for that. Remember Vince? You know, "Follow me camera guy." Well Rick can do that really good. "I'm gonna take your water fund and flush it down the toilette. Are you with me camera guy?"
We can rock along like that for say, fifty years. Run the whole shebang from sixth street, basically. Steal all their money, wreck their health care, put 'em all on food stamps and we won't HAVE to secede from the Yankees. They'll secede from US!
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