Four Locos

     I'm going to expound on yesterday's post. It's not worth a blog, but I want to talk about it here. First off, the person I was talking about has a room here at the house because he's finishing up the tile work on the renovation. Now I drink. Ok, let's get that right out in the open. I like martinis, and wines. I have had my physicals and except for a little blood pressure I'm doing great in my Autumn years. I sit by the pool, have wine and cheese, talk with guests, and go to bed . . .alone. The next morning I greet the sun beside the same pool. I smoke cigars and Pall Mall cigarettes, and anybody who doesn't like it can kiss my redneck ass. What  I DON'T do is get drunk and call people faggots, pedophiles, bums, useless, or delusional. 

     What stated out as a normal evening progressed into a lecture as this "person" found his way through about six "Four Locos." For the uninformed a Four Loco is one of those drinks that tastes like soda pop designed for men who don't have the testosterone for a man's martini, just saying. Now, I live in my husband in law's house. He, and my ex-wife live in what was once my house about a mile from here. Tipping my hat to my kid sister I won't drag out all of the family laundry, suffice to say that I pay my way and provide them with many things that make this whacky set up work very well, and all principle players are quite pleased with the set up, ok? 

     Well, about four Four Locos down the road this old boy's mouth shifts into gear. It started low key. He told me my ex's husband was irritated because I was here. Now, Joe (my husband in law) was in the next room chowing down on a pork roast I'd prepared for him, having a fantastic Sunday. He had just asked me if a friend of mine was going to come down from Cali to help him build a studio and sound stage for filming. Mr. Four Locos told me that Joe was mad because he didn't want to support me and my gay lover. Ok, the train just jumped the tracks and was proceeding across a cotton patch fueled by Four Locos. Let me make this perfectly clear, I am not a homosexual. I spent a good deal of time in Austin and have many gay friends. One of my more successful

 Blogs has been on gay marriage, but I'm straight. My only criteria for female companionship is that she has to be beautiful, and I check IDs. 

     I just sat there and let him talk. From that point he told me how useless I was, imposing on everyone. Then I was delusional. He even said my car (Mersedes Special Edition SLK) was a stripped down "welfare" car that people who couldn't really afford a Mercedes would buy. Gee, I hope not. I was kinda proud of that car. Then came the knock out punch. Upon observing my granddaughter sit on my lap and give me a kiss on the cheek, whereupon  I patted her on her little butt and sent her off to play, he announced that I was a pedophile! At this point I decided to just go ahead and shoot him, but the day was late, and I was tired, and, you know, bullets cost money, and I am living on a fixed income. He expounded this point for some time while I listened and ate the olives from my martini. 

     Then he said I was jealous of my ex's sex life, which he described in vivid detail. I'm a weird guy. I've been divorced a lot. There's this little switch in my head that Mary Ellen put there that turns off when I divorce. A divorce is a legal device where two people admit they can't get along even while screwing. I NEVER have sex with ex-wives, and brothers and sisters, I have a LOT of ex-wives! This is the only point I countered with  a simple, "No, I don't roll like that!" I LIKE being divorced. I LIKE pretty young girls swimming in my pool. I LIKE getting up in the morning and doing what the hell I want to do! 

     Finally, this jackass went to the barn, and I calmly got his bi-polar girlfriend drunk. Good always comes from bad. As I listened to each one of his ejaculations I began to realize I'm a pretty cool guy. Everything he said was exactly the opposite of what I really am. Like Willie said, "After taking several readings, I'm surprised to find my mind's still fairly sound." So today Mr. Four Locos got in his beat up van and counted his change on the way to the 7/11. Hey, this is a good article. I take that back. I AM going to publish this.