SlutGirl

     I just love it when people try to figure out my moods or tell me how I should feel. And when they do it they WON'T shut up. They become so convinced in their own little mind of how my little mind works that should I suggest they may be off course it goes right over their itty bitty heads and launches out into space. 

    I don't know how it happened, but over the years I've developed a mindset that insulates me from the world. I laugh, but I simply do not get mad about anything. That's why when I write so much humor goes into it. I find it very hard to get upset about just about anything. I get disturbed when I run out of cigarettes, but that's about it. 

     I get a particular joy when I slaughter someone's sacred cow. Like the Walmart thing. It has become so fashionable to down Walmart that all one has to do to piss off eighty-five percent of the liberals is say that you like to shop at Walmart. Or Coke. Just look up all the videos on YouTube showing Coke can be used for anything from cleaning your toilette to rotting your teeth out. I LIKE Coke! On a hot summer day a cold Coke will pep you right up. I especially like Mexican Coke. They use real sugar, and that screws up liberals too. 

     But I don't let this stuff fester. I know a girl. She stays mad ALL the time. She builds these huge conspiracy castles in the air, and takes pills like jelly beans because she's bi-polar, schitzo, too happy, too sad, this list just goes on and on. Her main problem is that her mother never told her what a slut is. Hey, y'all know what Scotch Guard is, right? Well, long about when I was fourteen somebody sprayed me with Slut Guard. You take any given slut and she will screw everybody BUT me! You see, sluts do that to try and prove they're not sluts. Can't be a slut, they MISSED someone. Well, I'm that GUY!

     About five years ago I stopped taking life so serious. Consequently I "lightened up." I became a crusty old bastard with a jaundiced eye, so when someone tries to unload their problems on me I just listen, show empathy, and know in the silence of my heart that they are enjoying the attention. I NEVER give advice. Like SlutGirl. Keeps going back to the same boyfriend, who beats her ass and sends her packing. Then she pings all over town getting sympathy from various old men who seek her negotiable favors, then BACK to the boyfriend again for a fresh ass whipping, all the while reciting to him all the advice the other men gave her because she thinks that just perhaps THIS time, the boyfriend will be something different that all the other times. Come to think of it that's the definition of insanity, isn't it? I might be wrong here. She might just NEED all those pills. 

     Now, back to my original concept for this article. SlutGirl is JUST the type of people who try to tell ME how I feel based on THEIR dubious experience. It's actually entertaining to listen to them.  I'm sitting there with a big ol' case of "Don't Give A Damn Itus" and they're rambling on like they're formulating a paper for a PHD! It's just like George Carlin once said. Do you realize how many stupid people there are in the world, and half of them are stupider than THAT!  But this is why when a gun walk runs into Moms Against MALES I just remember SlutGirl, and quickly do the math. Swat them bees, swat them bees!

     So, my advice? Try not to let anything disturb you. The more practiced you get at it they less little things will bother you, and then it just works it's way right up the emotional ladder until you emerge into Happy. Then you realize people like SlutGirl were put here for your entertainment. Kind of like a little dog that chases its tail all the time. I don't listen to people like that. Now Puck, I listen to Puck!