Rules of life come about when, well, life comes about. I'm sure you've all heard the classic definition of insanity. If you keep doing the same thing over, and over again, then you're nuts! I submit that you may not be totally nuts, having been born in the Deep South sometimes people are just stupid. Anyway, I try to formulate rules as I go along, and be warned, my rules are a little left of center because I'm the guy who walked off my steady job and went to Nashville to be a star, and if that's not nuts I'm not a white boy from Austin!
1) Never remarry an ex wife.
2) When in the shower, and you wash your butt, turn the hot water down.
3) Never put a beer into the cup holder on your dash.
4) Beer before liquor, never sicker.
5) If you find yourself talking to yourself, and lose the argument, recalibrate.
6) Never approach a girl sitting by herself in a bar. (I don't believe in Santa either.)
7) Never drink blended whiskey, cheap beer in a thirty pack or wine in a box.
8) Never look at a cop while driving.
9) Never pet someone else's dog when they make a point to say, “He doesn't bite!”
10) Drive at least five miles under the speed limit in Florence, Texas, and don't look at the cop.
11) Never try to explain the music business to your brother who’s been in the Electrical Union for forty years.
12) Never own an “inside” cat.
13) Never clean your ears with someone else's keys.
14) Don't eat gas station burritos unless you're constipated.
15) Keep your house orderly and clean. It makes people think you're on the ball, even if you're not.
16) Try to make your bed at least once a week.
17) Never believe any advertisement.
18) Do not answer “800” calls.
19) Always wash your hands well after eating jalapeños. You'd be amazed at all the places your hands go during the day.
20) And last, but not least, rework your rules of life every day.
1) Never remarry an ex wife.
2) When in the shower, and you wash your butt, turn the hot water down.
3) Never put a beer into the cup holder on your dash.
4) Beer before liquor, never sicker.
5) If you find yourself talking to yourself, and lose the argument, recalibrate.
6) Never approach a girl sitting by herself in a bar. (I don't believe in Santa either.)
7) Never drink blended whiskey, cheap beer in a thirty pack or wine in a box.
8) Never look at a cop while driving.
9) Never pet someone else's dog when they make a point to say, “He doesn't bite!”
10) Drive at least five miles under the speed limit in Florence, Texas, and don't look at the cop.
11) Never try to explain the music business to your brother who’s been in the Electrical Union for forty years.
12) Never own an “inside” cat.
13) Never clean your ears with someone else's keys.
14) Don't eat gas station burritos unless you're constipated.
15) Keep your house orderly and clean. It makes people think you're on the ball, even if you're not.
16) Try to make your bed at least once a week.
17) Never believe any advertisement.
18) Do not answer “800” calls.
19) Always wash your hands well after eating jalapeños. You'd be amazed at all the places your hands go during the day.
20) And last, but not least, rework your rules of life every day.
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