Don't Give A Damn Itus

I was reading  Dr. Phil's book, Real Life. Going through the last two years have been real life for me so I thought, "Good old' Dr. Phil will show me the way!" I settled on the chapter called Adaptability Breakdlown. As I read through the chapter I couldn't find anything that applied to me. I read the chapter on anxiety. Nada!  Tried fear, mental disorders, and existential crises and there were no matches, but I KNOW I'm messed up!  I mean, who the hell loses a wife, five grand kids, three mansions and a Mercedes and walks away with a martini and a silly grin on his face?  Then it hit me. Now, work with me here  I'm blazing new psychological territory. Just like when they changed shell shock to PTSD, I have a whole new disorder, born of the recession, customized for the 21st century. Don'tgiveadamnitus!

The way I see it a lot of us are so far gone that we know it just wastes time worrying about it. We'll probably not live long enough to ever see a dollar worth a dollar again, and forget about employment. Hell! Even bank robbers can't find gainful employment. The banks are full of Federal Reserve Notes. Want a big nice car?  Forget about it. Good luck filling the tank. So you get a don't give a damn attitude. 

The only constant is women. If you're a standard issue heterosexual (which I am) you can use some pretty moldy, time honored lines on younger girls to achieve at least a conversation. To wit:

1. "I'm really a homosexual and just want to be your friend."

2. "I have ED but I like to cuddle."

3. "I am afraid of contracting an STD so I will only like good conversation."

4. "It's called a Martini, and the beautiful thing about it is the Vermouth neutralizes the gin. The more you drink, the more sober you get"

5.  And last but not least, "My God girl!  You're young enough to be my grand daughter. What kind of a man do you think I am?"

Older women are actually better, but they're too  blamed smart! You can't EVEN whip any of the above lines on them. The best you can do is compliment their cooking. Young girls don't cook. Ordering at McDonald's has been developed into a fine art, don't let a young girl order for you unless you like salad! 

But, a healthy, young woman will generally relieve Don'tgiveadamnitus because at least the relationship between a man and a woman in private has remained unchanged unless you're in California and we know where that went. The cure for the syndrome?  Well, there is none. Sadly it's terminal. Once you fully realize the futility of worrying about stuff that you can do nothing about nothing can ever pull the wool over your eyes again. You actually become, well, FREE!

So Dr. Phil needs to add a chapter to his book. Maybe two. A chapter on women and martinis  would be nice.