And all during this time there were people screaming, "RACE WAR!" Oh, of course, being a bunch of Texas teenage rednecks, and crazy as a pack of outhouse rats, my friends and I were all up for this. Clint Eastwood even weighed in with a scene or two, one in particular where he shoots through a boom box to kill a black hoodlum. You see, back then we didn't have iPods, there were these big radio, tape playing gadgets that black folk would carry on their shoulders and stick there ear to the speaker . . . Don't ask me, it was a black thing. We crackers just had the girl climb into the front seat and turn on the eight track.
Now, with the unfortunate deaths of two NYPD officers we have that tired old ghost, Race War, rearing it's head again. So, let's look at some demographics. I love that word. Until last year when Doc Greene introduced it to me I didn't even know what demographics meant. I had written three books and never used over five-hundred words in my life. Turn on RER, instant literacy! Let's see, where was I? Oh, yeah, race war. So there is a contingent of the populace who would like you to believe that some day all the black folk are going to rise up is furious anger and run all us crackers back to England. I don't know what they plan to do with the Mexicans, but we'll just let them sort that out. Brilliant minds like Al Sharpton claim that all the problems concerning black people stem directly from the America of Shirley Temple. Of course slavery comes into play, although I really can't see a slaver paying very much for Al Sharpton. I'd buy Janet Jackson, but I digress. Anyway after this war is over the skies will clear, the Angels will sing, and white will be the new black.
So, just whom is going to participate in this war? Well, I don't think the black guy getting up at five AM in Austin, drinking his coffee on the way to a call center where he's a team leader at Sear's Holdings will be there. Nope, not him. Oh, he might work in one battle if it doesn't conflict with his evening with the guys at the Country Club. How about the black school teacher who worked her way through the University of Texas living on Ramen Soup. Nah, we need to count her out. Oh, I know. The black roofer who just got a loan for a new car and a credit card to fill the tank. Nope, his wife said, "No." Seems the revolution is losing steam. Let's look on the other side of the tracks.
Over in CrackerVille you can cross off about eighty percent right off the bat. The one thing we white folk all seem to have in common is a big ol' disgusting case of apathy. It's all very fine to get all outraged at the rioters up in Ferguson, but that lasts about, um, two beers, and then the football game comes on. That REALLY removes Texas from the mix because if JESUS comes back He'd better not do it when the Cowboys kick off! So that leaves twenty percent or so that actually dwell on this kind of nonsense. The Second Amendment has a phrase, "A well disciplined militia . . . " Did you ever try to make sense out of a bunch of old drunks in a biker bar cracking moldy race jokes? Well, there's you white army.
In order to have a war you have to have a fairly well defined demographic. There's that word again. You have to have a common people, common language, and borders are always real nice. Race plays into it because it's nice if you all look alike, too. Now, this has to be real race. Hitler made up a race, called them Aryans, and we all know how that worked out. He had this little thing about borders too, but a few countries with REAL borders straightened him out on that one. So where are the borders in this upcoming race war. Is Harlem going to invade Long Island. Let me think. Harlem is not all black, and contrary to myth, Long Island is not totally Jewish. Nope, no war there. I know, Detroit can jump on Chicago! Nah, too spotty. Ok, last chance. The South shall rise again, and all them rednecks are gonna take down Pennsylvania! We have a problem Houston. Almost NObody retires and moves up NORTH. If you're looking for racial purity you are NOT going to find it in Alabama.
Looks like our Race War is falling apart. You want to know why? Because it's not gonna happen, that's why. Behind every flare up, where the term, "Race War" comes up, you'll see some type number one capitalist skipping merrily to the bank. And they're all different colors. There are blacks like Al Sharpton, whites like David Duke, and then some like Michael Jackson where you're not quite sure. I know, I know, Michael wasn't a racist, but just had to throw that in. Fact is you will NEVER see a race war.
One good thing that came out of the civil rights movement was the merging of cultures. We began to understand each other a bit more. In almost any Texas bar you'll find blacks and whites sharing beer AND race jokes, and they're all laughing, because almost NObody buys into that crap anymore! Heck, I'll even have a beer with a gay guy, I just won't go to the bathroom at the some time he does, that's all.
Americans have realized that it's not race that is the issue it's economics. It's a government that has ignored the constitution, and set up royalty in Washington DC. It's little short, fat foreign leaders who can switch off American companies as easily as you turn out a lamp at bedtime. Let's fix all that and THEN worry about complexions. I yearn for the day when Al Sharpton gives a speech, the crowd breaks out in laughter, and leaves for the Hockey game. But, for the time being don't expect any race wars. If you really think that's going to happen have I got a BRIDGE for YOU . . . and it's on SALE!
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