I wish I had a chance to talk to Obama. And not like you’d think, either. I think I’d say. . . You know, old Hoss, sometimes life just gives you an ass whipping. You gotta just shake it off and learn from it. I learned in Nashville years ago that you don’t always write hits. Sometimes you just fall short. I don’t care if you have fifty hits in a row, one day you just don’t hit number one. I don’t really think you are a bad man, maybe not even a bad president. No one walks into the White House with sinister purpose. You didn’t come up with anything new. All presidents want hope and change. Damn politics is what does it.
You’ve had a good run. Six years. Shucks, Alabama only had five. You’re only achievement has been ObamaCare. Looks like that will go down soon, but look at it this way. How many other presidents tried and failed to get National Health Care? At least you DID it. If they take down all but one line maybe what rises from the ashes will be something we can all use. I think when you get down to brass tacks there can never be any real “national” health care in America. Let the states handle it. Look at where Ebola broke out in West Africa. People dying in the streets. At least here you can still walk into a hospital and be seen.
I think that too many issues hit you at once. Look at the borders. Heck, Barack, we’ve always had WetBacks. Texas depends on them. We haven’t had Cartels, and you see, that’s the rub. You will never understand this part of the country because you are a Yankee. Yankees aren’t supposed to understand these things. That’s why God gave us Texans. And it doesn’t matter to me where you were born. You weren’t born in Texas and that’s all that counts. You will never understand Texas, or California, or Mexico. You did pretty good in Chicago. I wouldn’t do good there.
What I think you need to do is concentrate on the next two years. Try to be remembered for more than just being the first black president. That entire concept has shown how shallow the American People really are. You didn't see this, but every time one of your supporters came on telling about how they voted for you because you were black there were those of us who wiped tears out of our eyes laughing. We just didn’t think it would go this far. Well, it did, and the world changed last Tuesday. Give up on the ego thing. Figure out how to get through the next two years. It’s not going to get better. This election has emboldened the electorate. Frankly, we thought it was so far gone there was no saving it. Now, I’m not crazy. This one election isn’t going to save America, nothing can do that. But it is nice to know that for a brief moment the people did stand up and at least say that there was a problem. You know, that’s always the first step in a twelve step program. We can’t do anything about it. There is no New World Order, but there are a whole lot of stupid people running the show. Rich people do stupid things because they have the time! The rest of us are working too hard keeping them rich to worry about social change, and nonsense like that.
The problem with America is that it’s back-ass-wards. MOST of America is sane. I think it’s the proximity of oceans and people breathing all that salt air on the coasts that gives rise to the problem. Here’s my reasoning. New York City is crazy, but upstate New York is pretty cool. L. A. is batshit crazy, but Murietta. . . not so much. Even Texas has a “G-spot.” San Saba is great, down home Texas, but HOUSTON? Now Houston has always been two bubbles short of plumb. I remember back when I was growing up. A friend of mine left to live down in Houston, and when he got back he was never the same again. That salt air! That’s what done it! I think if we could take all these people and get them all together, and just put them somewhere useless, like say, Washington State. You know, the state that gave us five dollar a cup coffee. And we BOUGHT it! Bought coffee that used to cost a dime from a bunch of New Age, atheist, weirdos who like to eat raw fish.They’re fighting laws to give the ingredients of the coffee right on the label. What are they putting in it. Now they’re Screwed up a cup of COFFEE. (That’s a Texas joke, folks.)
And all this “racism” stuff, Mr. President. What is that? Oh, it cooks real good, but what does it do. OK, there are BLACK people in the country! We get that. I’ve seen one before. We’ve always had people who are left of center, but they never retreated to their complexion as a defense. “You’re just saying that ‘cause I’m black.” Well. . . yeah. More than that, I’m just saying it because you bought into a pre-cooked, vacuum sealed can of bull shit served up to you by rich, white media manipulators who laughed all the way to the bank. You couldn’t have dreamed all this up all by yourselves! Turn your hats backwards, wear your pants down to your knees, take the MELODY out of music and call it MUSIC? Years ago I used to read Superman comics, and there was this place called the Bizarro World. Everything back asswards. And don’t tell me I’m a racist because I’ve targeted blacks with that statement. You know I’m telling the truth. The losers stand on street corners, with a few white wannabe blacks, and jeer at successful blacks who drive by on their way to dinner. This goes right back to that example I citied up above about the percentage of crazy people compared to the rest of us in the country. Ship them to Washington State, too!
No, it’s not all your fault, Mr. President. It would take more than one man to screw up things as bad as they are right now. That takes a Congress! Did you know a group of Baboons is known collectively as a “Congress?” Jus Sayin. And you can’t fix it. It’s going to take another hundred years or so before this mess evens out. Things like Gay Marriage. Give it about a hundred years and our great, great grandchildren will be laughing in history class wondering what was in our crazy minds. Just like the Muslims. Hate to be the one to tell you, Barak, but in a hundred years there will still be Baptists in Texas, and they will still be eating fried chicken every Sunday after church. I know that the mention of Christians and fried chicken irritate you. (Am I racist with that?)
So ride this ass whipping out Mr. President. You have a good job, and one HELL of a retirement. Things will limp along. Hey, idea! Remember George Foreman? He did a great comeback, just turned out he was too old, and, well, you know. Anyway, check this out. Barak’s Chicago Style Pizza! Hey. . . I’d eat one!
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