There are things peculiar to Texas that makes life interesting. You can't drink a beer in an7/11. Oh, and don't forget you can't even BUY a beer until noon on Sunday. Where did that come from? They have to wait until the Baptists get out of church? Drinking laws in Texas are so weird you have to be drunk to understand them.
Once a law is on the books it's there forEVER! You can't check into a motel with a chicken with the intent of having sex. You can get married under common law here by just announcing out loud that you're married. What would the law be if you were married to the chicken?
Marijuana is illegal in Texas. Well, kinda. Personal use plays a big part. That works with Meth, too. If you look on the jail roster you'll see dozens of arrests for controlled substance under a gram. NObody in Texas apparently can afford more than that. And dope dealers. I saw one get arrested for possession when he ran out of gas in the police parking lot. Cops thought it was Christmas!
There are good cops, and there are bad cops. The good cops are all apparently in Killeen. The rest of the state is screwed. Houston cops are so crooked that when one of them dies you don't have to bury them. You drive a stick through their ears and screw 'em in the ground. All Texas police departments have at least one "hottie" cop. Body armor with a built in bra. "Hey baby, I got a gun down in my pants. You better frisk me."
If you shoot someone innTexas there's Fifty-Fifty chance you'll walk, depending on where the body fell, but if you SAY you're going to shoot someone you'll do time EVERY time! Back in the day if two men got in a fist fight and the cops showed up they just went to jail. SOMEbody let the Californians in and now we have more lawsuits than just about anywhere. You don't realize the intricacy of Texas law until you wake up in jail one morning, like I did for "Talking Back!"
I can't really say anything about anyone else. I was called up one day by a deputy, we called him "Deputy Dog" because he was so blamed ugly, and asked if I had called some woman after she told me not to. When I explained what had happened he said, "Well, there's this new law says you can't talk back to someone on the phone after they say shut up. Now Wilbur, it's too hot to come over there and pick you up. Arrest yourself and come on down to my office!" and I DID it! Duh!
It seems odd in a state where women wear guns, and the men wear heels and large hats (with feathers) that folks would get so bent out of shape about gay marriage. But, at least they have sex with chickens under control. .When I was about twenty the age of consent was fourteen. That was ...special. They finally raised that to eighteen, seventeen if her daddy says it's ok. And have you ever looked at a REAL cowgirl. You look a girl in the face who really rides a horse, and if that's not an argument for gay rights I'm not a white boy from Austin!
Still, Texas is a great place to live. Weather's usually nice, except for summer. Texas is hot AND humid. The biggest day of the year is the first "cold snap" when a front blows in and you can finally breathe again. And don't EVEN go to San Antonio in August. I did that once. There was a REASON Santa Anna attacked the Alamo in late February. And drought? All the Yankees get all pent up about drought. Texas IS a drought.
Typical Texas organized crime: Man shows up at the house to extort money. Owner meets him in the yard.
"I'm here for my money!"
"Well, I'm not going to pay!"
"I got a gun right here."
Homeowner whips out a pistol, and immediately the intruder sticks his hands in the air and yells, "What's that all about?"
"You said you had a gun!"
"I ain't go no gun!"
"Then why did you say you had a gun?"
"So you'd give me some money!"
"Look, if you're gonna rob somebody you need to get one of these. (Shows him the gun.)
"Man I can't afford nothing like that."
"I think you'd better go."
"Uh, ok . . . Say, you got a beer?"
Y'all have a wonderful day!
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