I've never in my life made a New Year's resolution any more than I ever gave up anything for Lent. I grew up so poor what could I give up . . . AIR? This year it's going to be different. I'm making a resolution. I'm going to set my coffee pot to automatically make coffee every morning at 7:30! There! Now there's a method to my madness. First off the responsibility for maintaining this resolve is placed solely on the little timer in the coffee pot so if something goes wrong I can place the blame squarely on the pot and I, personally, didn't break the resolution. Also, it's a practical resolution. Every morning I get up between 7:30 to 8:00 and this way the coffee is waiting for me. I'll even set up a cup with a spoon in it so I don't have to think before I can see each morning. For you younger folks out there, somewhere about fifty or so things stop launching in the morning like they used to. You young folks hit the ground running, but when you're sixty-three you wait until your legs start working, and you ease to the ground shuffling. Some time after your second cup of coffee you eyes focus, and that's about the time you find the bathroom.
Anyway, where was I, oh yes, my resolution. I fully expect to be able to keep this resolution the entire year. Each night I'll set the trigger and my little pot will do the rest. Also I don't have to give anything UP! I mean you struggle all your life to HAVE some kind of life and some jerk comes along and tells you that you should give something up you worked all your life to get! You'd have to find something that is totally useless, irritates you, and you can't imagine why you even began doing it in the first place. Wait! Something did occur to me. I've got once more thing. While I'm having that cup of coffee on my porch, and smoking a very politically incorrect cigarette, I WON'T be reading ABC News! There! I feel much better now! X
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