As hard as it is to believe, even I can make a mistake! Sometimes I get beside myself and little "Yankee" comes out and I go all PC. That's what being a "Simple Ol' Boy" is all about. I step back, take a look, and address the situation in it's basic components. Alas, yesterday was one of those times. While I do not retract anything I wrote, except that note I sent to my wife's kid sister back in '91 (I'm sorry I did that Lord, I promise I won't do that again) I will say trying to write about Islam in a fair and balanced way is a little like picking up an ugly girl, a twelve pack, and hoping everything will go right because you turned off the lights!
Pardon me while I climb out here on this limb, and start sawing between me and the trunk. I am a product of my region and my times, and as much as I try to be cosmopolitan the “Texas” in me comes out invariably. I’m the guy who doesn’t care which fork to use because I’m eating with my fingers anyway. I’m the idiot who’s trying to hold a conversation with a beautiful girl and can’t stop looking at her legs. I’m the bozo who tries to show a black person that I’m not a racist by talking about how much I love watermelon.
If you write nice things about the Jews you make the Muslims mad. You say anything civil about Muslims, and here come the Jews! And ALL the Christians jump on you. Why can’t everybody just be a Southern Baptist? Ok, let’s get something straight. I don’t give a FLIP about the Middle East. I would rather ride a MoPed for the rest of my life than burn one DROP of Mid-eastern oil! From Tel Aviv to Cairo all them boys look alike to me. I believe the Bible, and all that, but after all this human misery, if I had MY way, I’d scrape off the Temple Mound, and put a Walmart right THERE with a McDonald’s on one end and ample parking. Even JESUS isn’t coming back there. He said He was going to land on the Mount of Olives. Go figure!
We have bigger problems in Texas than worrying about which camel driver is on top of the heap. I don’t CARE about the brown people over THERE, we have enough brown people INVADING us right HERE! I can SEE our border from here. They don’t even HAVE borders over there. Now, I don’t care what God they pray to, I don’t CARE if they make their women wear burlap sacks. . . I don’t CARE if they fire off bottle rockets until the Earth melts into the sun, it doesn’t have a thing to do with TEXAS! I did not come home to Texas from California to talk about people from some place I will NEVER go, and brothers and sisters, if you go to the Middle East you are two bubbles short of plumb!
Last Tuesday when I went to Austin, I found myself standing on the south steps. There was a media set up, cameras, microphones, you know, the whole thing, and right on top of the steps was this guy! He had the white garb on, and that funny little wool cap they all wear, you know the deal. Well, he’s all studying his notes, and looking at the crowd. Now, I was looking for Doc, and there was some other guy in some Congressman’s office trying to overthrow the government at the time, so I had other things to do, but I had an epiphany! If this were 1969, some cowboy would have already been up them steps to deliver “his holiness” a number five, Texas butt whipping for even dressing like that in front of the ladies. You see, that’s where the Muslims go wrong. They think we Texans are all like those laid back kids over at UT. They don’t KNOW about the guys we keep chained up out at the ranch who beat up COWS! And they’re still THERE. We just don’t talk about it. Gosh. . . I’m glad they’re there!
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