I really enjoyed the State of the Uniion thing last night. I watch it every year you know. All that optimistic hope emanating from the podium. I have to admit, I had to wipe a tear from my eye. But then I still watch the Wizard of Oz, too. Anyway, it SOUNDED good. Hey, what did you expect him to say? “Sho nuff happy I didn’t get impeached this year!” Obama’s been on the highway to hell since the first day he walked into the White House. Hey, did you catch Eric Holder at the end when El Presidete was making for the door? I can’t read lips but he was probably saying, “Man! Glad I got out of Paris before the warrants came down,” and Barry was saying, “I TOLD you I’d fix that. Fixed Benghazi didn’t I?”
I watch the crowd. you can always tell subscribers to Mad Magazine by who jumps up at the end of every sentence. And they clap with that amazed look, and a tear in their eye. The Speaker of the House at LEAST didn’t do THAT. He seemed to be sitting back a little so when Obama’s pants caught on fire he wouldn’t get scorched. There is still a small bit of him that knows this dog and pony show is running out. But, it was a good show, don’t you think. Ok, here’s the state of the Union. I’m not going to quote Obama, I’m just a gonna tell you the REAL state of the union.
Muslims, Mexicans, Chinese, and every dog and cat are streaming across our borders like the 49er’s gold rush. I don’t know why we invest in fences on the border any more. Just leave a gate open and charge a surcharge to come in. Oh, don’t take Pesos, Pesos never were any good and now it costs more to counterfeit them than they are worth. Don’t take Rubles either. How do those people mess up their economy so badly without a Federal Reserve?
We now have so many abortions the Hitler would blush with shame. “Mien Himmel! Why didn’t I think of that! Just give Der Chews free abortions!” If we took guns and killed a million blacks a year the world would PUKE! Even the Chinese would step back. Planned Parenthood. . . OMG, don’t get me started. A bunch of women who get MAD if you don’t have an abortion. I have a thought, nah, I’m not gonna go there. . . yeah I am; Have you noticed that women who are pro-choice are women that you wouldn’t want to have sex with anyway? What happens after they kill all the babies? The abort each other?
The economy. Yeah, the Americans used to have one, now we have it down here in Texas. Texas is a big place but I hope we have room for all the Yankee businesses coming here just to be able to exist. Even Gregg Abbott can’t screw that up. At least I hope he can’t. Texas seems to have its own momentum. Perry is finally out of office, on his way to California. You know, Rick looks like he’ll fit out there. By golly, he may even go into movies, who knows. You know, that’s never happened. We’ve had actors become politicians, but never the reverse. I wonder how that would work. What kind of movie would Rick Perry be in. Pulp Fiction comes to mind. “My wallet is the one that says, ‘Bad Decisions!!” Ya’ll thought I was going to quote Samuel Jackson, didn’t you?
Obama soft soaped the Congress so hard I thought he was a Masseuse! The Republicans outnumber the Democrats now, but there were so many RINOs in the room I thought I was at the zoo! Fearless Leader made his way to the door, signing autographs, oh yeah, you’d have thought he was Brad Pitt. The liberal Democratic women swooning over him. I actually KNOW some liberal Democratic women down here. I would NOT let any of those women cook for me, ok? There was this one secret service guy, the bald one, eyeing the crowd, and he should. When the president walks through a crowd of crooks it’s dangerous.
The night ended well. Nothing changed. We’re still screwed, stewed and tattooed, and Obama has two more years to finish the job. But, I do like the show. I close my eyes, and for a moment it’s almost like 1957, and Walt Disney is introducing a new Tiinkerbelle cartoon. Did I ever tell you I was in love with Tinkerbelle. Yeah. She was a phony, transparent piece of work too.
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