Blue Eyed White Boys

     Lament the blue eyed white boys.    On one side we have Jade Helm, and on the other, religious nuts trying to shoot up art shows. We can't be sure of which rest room to use, if indeed we're allowed to use any. New Black Panthers marching up and down the streets wanting to shoot us all right between our blue eyes, and fifty million Mexicans pouring over the fence down there trying to take what's left of the jobs, money, and beer away. I know what the Neanderthals felt like when they saw the first Cro-Magnon Man drawing a bird on THEIR cave walls. 

      Blue eyed white boys have only been around around six to ten thousand years or so.  I think we're aliens actually. That's why all the other races hate us so bad. We smell funny. There are some blue eyed black folk, but I think God is just trying to be politically correct, and they don't count for much. I haven't quiet figured out exactly how that happened,  but I suspect there's a cracker in the wood pile somewhere. 

     Except for Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger, blue eyed white boys are pretty much useless. Quarterbacks are generally white because SOMEbody on the field HAS to be. All other races can out run, out jump, out think, and . . . well, I made Crystal Lee a promise, suffice to say, "If you ever try black, you'll never come back," yeah, they beat us in that, too. 

     And we're dangerous. The last blue eyed white boy who took over a country, had too much power, and did exactly what he wanted to do was Hitler, and we all know how THAT shook down. We crackers are fighting an uphill battle, and we ain't gonna make it. I've never had a blue eyed wife. I prefer Mexican girls, actually. They're generally short, well rounded, and cook quite well. I think the reason that I've never married a blue eyed girl is that they're all with black guys.  

     There's no fixing this. We're a dying breed. Oh, we'll rant and rave, and talk about the Romans, Greeks and Germans, but we're pretty much done. There will be fewer and fewer of us, all sitting in bars, drinking Lite beer, like a bunch of dinosaurs, just waiting for that comet to come on in. I'm stuck these blue eyes, but I do have a nice beard.