Massaginist

     It's been a rowdy week down at the ranch. Ok, let's jump right into it. First off. Mr. ISIS, we're sure 'nuff sorry we capped two of your Jihad warriors just because they showed up to kill a bunch of cartoonists who were drawing pictures of that Mexican you call a prophet. Y'all get downright irritated when you show up and don't get to kill a bunch of folks. Now, I understand your religion and all, what with not liking naked girls, or ham and eggs, or any pictures of anyTHING. You want to straighten a bunch of infidels out, might I suggest a Nuevo Laredo whorehouse? You'll find a lot of sin down there. Oh, just ignore them fellers with them dots tattooed over their eyebrows. Don't pay them no mind. Just rush in there, guns a blazing, and see how that works out for you. 

     I actually ended up in one God awful debate somewhere over in India with the cutest little Jap I ever saw.  And y'all know me, I was too busy looking at her profile picture for the first ten minutes, I wasn't paying no mind to a word she said, but then she called me a "misogynist!" Now, being a Texan, I pronounced that "massaginist." With the root word apparently "massage," and her being Asian, I took that to mean she love me long time. Well, our relationship fell quickly apart right after that. I think basically she wanted to put me in a cage somewhere and set fire to me, screaming, "Aloha Salad Bar," or words to that effect. God she was beautiful when she was mad. 

     From there we progressed to Jade Helm 15. Now, I'm just as crazy as the next Texan so I bought right into this. I don't like AMERICANS coming down here, and when I found out it was gonna be UN troops? Americans are bad enough, but FOREIGNERS? Hide the women folk. My grandmother told me that all them people over there are BORN with an STD. They get it from their mamas. The men pee right in the street and their women don't wash properly "down there." I was all pent up, that was until I found out the whole story came out of Alex Jones. Now, I'm not saying Alex was wrong, I'm just saying. If you wanna kill a good conspiracy just let it come out of Prison Planet and right away the public thinks we're all wearing tin foil Stetsons! 

     Of course the cops are shooting EVERYBODY! I almost wish I could have met them two boys up in Garland before they got out of that car. I would have told them, "DUDES! They shoot US for using a cell phone. What did you expect?" To be honest, Texas cops don't shoot near as many as cops in states where the second amendment isn't in place. Wonder if there's a correlation? 

     Open Carry is moving through the legislative process. Hey, certain "people" open carry their UNDERWEAR! Why can't we just carry a pistol. A small cute one. The libs say open carry "intimidates" people. Uh, why do COPS do it? They carry a gun, an electric chair, a knife and a STICK! You can't carry a stick in Texas, did you know that? I was once arrested for possession of a stick. And don't let a kid draw a picture of a gun in school. I wonder what the ISIS boys in Garland would have done if the artists were just been drawing pictures of guns. 

     Now this is satire. I feel I need to give that disclosure. Why do I resort to satire at times. Because when I use a lot of four syllable words and try to speak as an adult . . . Liberals don't listen!  

http://youtu.be/3jS63jrMetI