Global Warming

     If you want to make a liberal mad just attack their religion. Now, liberal religion has many facets. Gay marriage, dead babies, food stamps, properly colored presidents, but the underlying truth that permeates it all is Global Warming! Oh my LIVING God! If you want to make a liberal want to buy a gun and shoot up the mall just suggest that mother earth is behaving just as she has for the last four BILLION freaking years! 

     Al Gore couldn't really make it as a politician, so he decided to take over the planet instead. Anyway,  he flies around in his private jet convincing all these potheads that the earth is changing into a huge microwave. But, you ask, what harm is he doing trying to alert us to something he really believes in? I mean, he really can't do squat about it, right? WRONG! While he can't change the temperature one degree he can certainly change your bank account. You see, in the global warming theory you must pay to play. Can't participate in the end of the world without a program! 

     I'm not going to get into all the "scientific" data supporting this Looney Tune, but I'd just like to point out a simple fact. Science, as opposed to religion, depends on observation. If you drop a ball to,the ground, and you can subsequently drop said ball twenty more times, you must reason that there must be some unseen force causing the ball to bounce. Voila! Gravity! Wanna know why the "theory" of evolution is still a theory? That's right, friends and neighbors, it's still a theory.  Well, that because there ain't no Neanderthals a sipping a Lateé down at the mall, that's why! You see, you gotta SEE it to prove it. 

     You can't prove Global Warming, or cooling from just a hundred years or so of weather reports. Is the earth changing. Why heck yeah! Does it all the time. The planet wobbles through space, chasing the sun, which is chasing the Milky Way,  which is chasing all the other results of the Big Bang as they all cork screw through the intergalactic playing field. We are barreling  skelter behind a huge hydrogen bomb, and Al Gore is trying to put a thermostat on it! And the call ME a simple ol' boy!

     But, all that doesn't make any difference to liberals bent on the end of days. Funny how people who don't believe in God put so much stock in Armageddon. And don't let California have a drought! DUDES! California IS a drought! Some very slick salesmen convinced a bunch of very gullible people that this desert was the "happening" place to be. So what we ended up with was a stretch of land that was never intended to support more than a few Mexicans and a hand full of crazy prospectors ramping up to a population of millions, and they're wondering where all the water went. Los Angeles NEVER had any water. They had to pipe it in! Fact, look it up! 

     In spite of his best efforts, Al Gore will not influence the natural history of planet earth. California had the warmest winter on record? Does SoCal even HAVE a winter? Anyway, Al Gore was the only one bummed out; everybody else got into it. But, the people of California don't have any water to drink. Then let them drink wine!