Americans have given rise to a new royalty. Now, just ask yourself, where does royalty come from? I mean way back then they weren't just born with a silver spoon in their mouth. Someone had to put it there. And, if you understand they just breathe and eat just like the rest of us then what puts them on a level far and above the average person? Well, to make a long story short, Royalty comes from being descended from the biggest thug. If Michael Brown had lived, he would have been royalty. Come to think of it, he IS!
You see, back in the day, Phillip MymouthwithPharts was a pretty good thief. He, and his band of not so merry men scoured the countryside, galloping hither and yon on their stolen horses taking whatEVER they needed to support the lifestyle they'd like to become accustomed to. Pretty soon you got a castle, and this biker gang that ran with Phillip are dubbed "knights." But, you gotta have a title. Can't go anywhere 'cept you gots a title! Voila! KING Phillip is born!
He's got crown, a throne, LOTS of fried chicken and oh, those knights. He no longer has to steal, why heck no! He just TAXES the beJesus out of anything that eats, sleeps, or works now, with the added bonus that it becomes patriotic DUTY to pay the King, and if you pay on time he will protect you . . . from the KNIGHTS! He comes upon this thing called a queen! Now ten years ago she was just the skinny girl with TWO dresses, but as QUEEN she is the epitome of womanhood. She is blonde, and beautiful. Long hair is a must. She never has to use the bathroom, and her breath smells like Carnation milk!
By and by, King Phillip and Queen Ima Witch conceive a child, immaculately, of course, and Prince I'm Endowed comes screaming into the world. Fast forward a thousand years or so, and you can easily see how this bunch of hoodlums can acquire some cash. The public has lost all memory of the origin of this cluster love in, and some even suspect the royal linage may trace back to Jesus Christ Himself! And they've been living, loving, and dipping anyone who disagrees with them in boiling oil. Can this all happen again in the modern age?
Well, I give you, the CLINTON'S! Lying, stealing, pimping, all of the above and the Liberal Democrats LOVE 'em! Hillary is so royal it's ACCEPTED that she will be the next president. Kinda cool being the president elect before the first primary, now isn't it? Why, I don't even know why anyone should run against her. Let's just not do that, and say we did. She galavants about the countryside making one asinine statement after another, and the huddled masses are lapping it up like puppies on a saucer of milk! I cant wait for all the Hollywood endorsements to come rolling in. Every royal court needs a jester, and Hollyweird has a BUNCH! And, don't forget she's got a kid, too! Think baby Clinton is going away? Au Contraire! Barring getting stuffed on a rocket and catapulted to the MOON, her bed is waiting in the White House. What she'll probably do is champion some "cause." Let's see, what would be a good cause for an aspiring queen? I have it. The homeless transvestites of Albuquerque! That should be good for a hundred mil or so.
And, I know, I know, I can hear it now, "Oh Wilbur! America don't got no Royalty. We split off from the King of England. We be a DEMOCRACY!" Look, boys and girls, if it walks like a duck quacks like a duck, and has pizza in the oval office with comely young interns, then it must be . . . a CLINTON! Normally at this point in the article I would put forth a solution, but this time is different. I can fix stupid, and the typical, red blooded, government cheese eating American voter is STUUUUUUUUPID! We'll be lucky if they don't make Hillary presidentess for LIFE! And they'll run out into the streets on coronation, I'm sorry, inaugural day, and roll in it like a dog in a dead armadillo! Cake for EVERYONE! God save the Queen!
No comments:
Post a Comment